FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
