I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
