i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
