i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
