Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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