He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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