He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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