sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
