My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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