I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
