yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
