Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
this is an emotional support booty call
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
