Please don't use social media to get back at me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
