omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
