Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You are a genius and a whore.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
