My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
