my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
