the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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