My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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