why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
