the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
