forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
