Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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