he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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