i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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