walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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