dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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