bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
