I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sorry about my life...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
