none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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