I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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