did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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