this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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