I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
