Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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