I bet he comes in French.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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