I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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