had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
