He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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