So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
