My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
