one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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