his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
