Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
