and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
oh god the rape fog is back!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
