That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I came so hard my ears popped.
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