You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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