No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
