he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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