I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
