Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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