Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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