That's intense
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
