What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im holly from the hills drunk
did i walk over a car last night?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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