youre lurking in front of me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
