a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
