I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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