Little spoons don't ask big questions
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
