I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
