hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
