It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
