We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
