he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
