Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
