you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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