I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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