Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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