You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pants are for mortals
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
