I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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