I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
