eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
