OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
