i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
