i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
