I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
