what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This is the high leading the old right now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
