he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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