I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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