he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
