Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
