let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
