"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
