I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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